Unfair Elections Act of 2007 (INSULTING THE ELECTORATE)

Let it be known to all concerned, these are the guidelines for the coming mid-term elections. All concerned are enjoined to adhere to the following provisions:



Provision no. 1 CAMPAIGNING, CAMPAIGN ADS and POLITICAL ADVERTISEMENTS

• All administration bets SHALL, post their ghastly posters anywhere they please. LGUs and local police must turn a blind eye on these activities.
• Administration bets SHALL, campaign during Overseas Elections as voting ends on May 14.
• All government agencies must extend financial and logistical support to all administration bets. This includes their intelligence funds, office equipment and transportation.
• All administration bets SHALL, engage in voting-buying whether in cold cash, insurance cards, or distribution of roast calf or grilled fish. They can also insert cash in giveaway items. They can also use raffles to disguise vote-buying.
• Administration bets can exceed the maximum allowed spending per voter.

Provision no. 2 PARTY-LIST ACCREDITATION and DISQUALIFICATION

• All government funded party-lists are not subject to investigation or disqualification.
• All left-leaning party-lists and those critical of the administration must meet all requirements of the Party-list Law or suffer disqualification.
• Party-lists who have pending cases against "friends and financiers" of the administration are to be disqualified.
• Only heterosexuals can be represented in congress. Gays, Lesbians and trans-dressers even if they comprise 10% of the population and under represented can not claim to be marginalized.
• Nominees of party-lists can come from a different sector provided they are friendly to the administration. (i.e. doctors and vice mayors can represent tricycle drivers)

Provision no. 3 PROMOTIONS and APPOINTMENTS

• Those who engineered cheating in the 2004 elections can run for a seat in congress. Those who aided these "engineers" are to be promoted/appointed to more sensitive positions.

Provision no. 4 DEPT. of JUSTICE and DEPT. of INTERIOR and LOCAL GOVERNMENT

• The DoJ can file trumped up charges against nominees of left-leaning party-lists. They may also release accused candidates provided they issue statements in support of the administration.
• The DILG must dismiss/suspend all opposition local executives without investigation. They can however forget about administration-friendly local officials who face numerous cases in court.

Provision no. 5 MEDIA RESTRICTIONS

• Proxy groups/entities can accuse the opposition of political dynasty but must never include families connected to the administration.
• Television stations can air black propaganda/libelous ads against the opposition but may be charged in court if they air truthful ads of the opposition.

Provision no. 6 ROLE OF THE ARMED FORCES of the PHILIPPINES

• The AFP SHALL, engage in partisan politics in the guise of voters' education.
• They SHALL coerce, intimidate and terrorize the electorate in voting only for the administration bets.
• They can conduct sit-ins in schools and is allowed to field their own party-lists.

*ADDITIONAL PROVISIONS MAY BE ADDED BY THE READER PROVIDED THAT IT IS NOT REDUNDANT TO ANY OF THE PROVISIONS ALREADY MENTIONED ABOVE. HAVE FUN!